Because Steve Harvey was able to write a best-selling book that is being turned into a movie, there’s no reason I can’t give my two cents on how to make a relationship work successfully.
Are people really no good? For the most part, no. You can’t fairly quantify an entire population in one bucket. We definitely are all unique, however, and therein lies the problem…and the baseline for the solution. I’ll explain:
By ways of my own doing and those of my friends, I’ve been exposed to a wide variety of personalities over the years. It’s been interesting, especially in terms of relationships. I feel like I’ve seen a little bit of everything...not much shocks me at this point. I will admit, however, that these experiences did initially somewhat sour my outlook on relationships. It seemed like there were a lot of people out there that were no good. Over time, however, I realized that it’s never quite that cut and dry. Because we’re all in different phases of our respective lives, it only makes sense that all relationships won’t work, nor should they; that’s just part of life. Some people are only looking for a good time, while others are looking to settle down ASAP. It’s simple trial and error. You experience different things to figure out what really works for you. Once you’re able to find enough commonalities among your differences with another person, you’re golden.
Of course that’s much easier said than done. For that reason, I’m here to provide JIP’s Guide to Success in Relationships.
1. You have to be able to be happy being by yourself first.
I can’t emphasize this one enough: you can’t be completely happy with someone else if you’re not comfortable being by yourself. I don’t think it’s possible, but it’s not safe either. What if things head south in the relationship? Then you’re worse off than when you started, leaving yourself questioning what went wrong.
A lot of people get into relationships just because they don’t want to be alone. Not only is that ridiculous, it’s really not fair to the other person, and karma can be a monster.
2. Communicate Effectively
3. Look for the warning signs.
This should probably be number 2b instead of 3. You simply have to pay attention to the things that someone says and does early on. It’s so easy to get caught up in the bliss of a new relationship and miss things that will probably lead to issues down the line. For example, If the person does something that exhibits their neediness early on and you’re one of the world’s most detached individuals, that’s not “cute”. It might be the first time, but as the relationship keeps chugging along, I guarantee that “cute” won’t be the word used anymore.
4. Eliminate the power struggle.
Alright, you’ve gotten through the first 3 points for the time being, now you’re in this magical relationship. Excellent. You want to know how to take that magic away? Create a power struggle. That magic is now a thing of the past. A power struggle is basically both parties in a relationship doing things to show that they are the one that is in control of the relationship. To be completely honest, this is one of the more ridiculous aspects that I see in many relationships. What’s the point? I’ll give you your college or young relationships for that, but if you’re trying to cultivate a mature relationship, does this really make sense? I’m inclined to say no. Point no. 2 eliminates the need for this. Much of the gray area has been eliminated already; you’re both on the same page, so there’s really no need for a power struggle to even exist. If you’re thinking about flexing your power in the relationship, don’t. Simple.
5. Know when to call it quits.
